Doctor School, Day One

I suppose it's technically Day 4, since the semester's official start day was Monday.  Whatever.

So the process of being readmitted so that I could pursue another degree from a school that I just got a degree from so they should seriously already know who I am how is this process not more streamlined @#^$%&#^<>:][~@#$ was tedious and a little nervous-making because there was a question as to whether I would make it in time to register.  I did make it in time to register, but too late to get one of the online courses I wanted, so I had to quickly choose an on-campus course that met at a time I could swing.  Now I'm sitting in the snack lounge of the building in which said class meets and looking over the syllabus with something less than confidence.  Neither the course nor the syllabus lists prerequisites, and I see terms I recognize from past coursework, but the length of the first day power point (which the professor was kind enough to send us ahead of time) is intimidating.  The syllabus makes frequent requests that we seek to learn, rather than to minimize work...apparently this professor has had issues with slackers in the past.  I suppose it's a good thing I didn't opt into an Honor Chorus accompanying gig this year, because I might not have had enough time to practice for it.  I'll be spending that time reading and writing.  OMG THE WRITING.  Both of my classes require pretty copious amounts of both reading and writing, which I realize is a ridiculous thing to complain about because that's what doctoral students do.

BUT STILL.

Really, all this bluster is just fear of the unknown.  Even at 27, I am still the kid who occasionally believes that intellect is the only worthwhile thing she has to offer the world and if she doesn't have the best grades in the class/school/state/world, she is nothing.  Yes, I am aware that academia is not a zero-sum game, that not being the "best" doesn't make me worthless, that grades are not the sole measure of intellect, that "Cs get degrees" and whatnot...  I keep telling myself, "Wait until you've sat through a session and met the teacher before you freak out."  And even if I do end up in over my head, it would probably be a good experience for me as a person, if potentially injurious to my GPA.

Given the choice, though, I would much rather leave class feeling like the material and goals are attainable rather than feeling like it's time for long-term character building.  Stay tuned to see which one happens...