On Identity: The Unified Self vs. The Mosaic Self

"Identity" is a complicated word.  I can't speak for other cultures, but I know that 'round here, we like to categorize and label.  It gives us the illusion of control.  I've heard in more than one context about our tendency to respond to "Who am I?" with our occupation.  Even on the "About" page on this here blog, I list lots of characteristics, occupations, etc. that people associate with me.  I'm a Christian, a musician, so on.  But lately, I've been thinking about the nature of how we perceive people and how we, especially in the South, believe in this virtue of Personal Consistency.  Is not one of the political right's favorite insults "flip-flopper?"  If you choose to change your lifestyle or behavior for reasons deemed Insufficient by whomever is speaking, you are flaky.  Those choosing to be tactful ("bless your heart") might call you "free-spirited" or "open-minded."  But they mean the same thing: "You used to be one way and now you are a different way and I dislike change because it busts up my illusion of control and instead of examining my own hang-ups, I am going to label you Immature or Flighty or Shallow.  Away from me, Changeling!"  And then there's the virtue of Purism, which says that if you claim to be something, you'd better be in line with the ideals of that Something every moment.  Prime example: in college, a fellow musician once berated me for openly admitting that in my free time, I usually don't listen to classical music.  I hath violated the Sacred Guidelines for Real Dadgum Musicians...and yet, still knew my stuff, still got my degree.

I wonder how different things would be if we took a different view of people.  Rather than thinking of them as pillars, held up by the virtues of their jobs, hobbies, skills, etc...

we saw them as mosaics.  Each little job, each new book we read, each friend we make, all become pieces of our mosaics.  And sometimes, those pieces might seem like opposites, but I think the inclusion of opposed pieces makes us richer, more empathetic people.  Take a couple of my favorite authors: Lewis Grizzard and Garrison Keillor.  Different beliefs, very different political leanings, different experiences.  And when I sit down to ponder a slice of life, I can anticipate what either of them would say and I'm a better person for it.  Who wants a mosaic that's all one color?  Who wants to be so completely absorbed by one viewpoint, one type of experience, one understanding of the world?  None of the pieces completely defines you, because nothing we pursue on this earth can do that.  I have skills and pursuits, but I don't spend every minute of every day being A Musician, A Teacher, A Smart.

In re-reading that paragraph, I realize that I am inviting an argument about my specific religion, because Christianity and most spiritual pursuits cover and permeate the life of the adherent.  I think that God operates outside the mosaic and that He encourages it, and that the more we understand about humanity in all its colors and variety, the more we can do to improve it.  During any sermon regarding evangelism, my pastor always points out that it is possible to grow up in a Christian home, attend a Christian school, attend a Christian college or seminary, make a living in a Christian organization like a church or philanthropic nonprofit and never really impact someone else's life.  The monochromatic mosaic is not an edifying force for our faith, but rather a stifling one.

So yeah, I can name chords and list composer dates and principal works and analyze sonatas.  I also listen to Ke$ha.  I use words like "monochromatic" and "adherent."  I also use words like "dagnabbit" and "holla."  I watch documentaries about WWII and film history and classroom indoctrination.  I also watch Ren and Stimpy.  I hate spiders.  I considered binding a live spider to a headband and wearing it for Halloween.  I fear death.  I am fascinated by macabre subject matter and will spend hours on Wikipedia reading about the deadliest air disasters in history.  I want to dye my hair red and wear it flipped out with a plaid skirt.  I want to dye my hair black and get a nose ring.  I want to be a conductor.  I want to be a rock star.

All little pieces, all of them make me.