No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

-John Donne

We are all involved in mankind, whether we want to be or not.  The money we earn at our jobs was first given to us or our companies by people who require whatever service you have to offer.  The homes we sit in were built by people and the water and electricity that flow into them are maintained by people.  The foods we buy were grown/produced/cooked/synthesized/whatever by people, even if those people were only maintaining the machinery that squirts the peanut butter into its container.  Our cars were made by people and the streets we drive them on are maintained by people; how well is likely tied to how desirable our locales are considered to be, and that means to you whatever that means to you.  I don't have a savings account without first having a bank full of employees who watch it, apply interest to it, and make sure (to the best of their ability) that no one but me gets to use it.  If I plant a garden, I have to obtain seeds and tools prepared by other people.  So on forevermore.

There is much in our culture that holds up this ideal of self-sufficiency, but none of us is truly, in the most literal sense of the word, self-sufficient.  We depend on other humans for things we need.  Even a vegan hermit requires other life-forms for survival.  Some of the systems we have in place reflect where we have rejected isolation in favor of collective improvement.  Have you ever really reflected on the miracle of public education?  A group of people look at the skills needed for various disciplines, gather their knowledge and resources and seek the ideal that every student get the same opportunity to gain skills. Now of course, we haven't yet achieved that ideal because we are human and imperfect and there are millions of variables (one for every kid!) that make it tough to apply consistent standards across schools while also accommodating individual needs.  But man - the fact that a group of people once decided "We will create a system where kids can learn new things and perhaps expand their opportunities" and then offer that system to every child?  Wow.  And I have the job and the opportunities I have because a group of people decided to build my high school, accredit it so that my diploma is valid, and hire qualified teachers who gave me the skills I needed.  And then other people built my college and did all those things.  Some people built roads that enabled me to get to those schools, and still others strung wires up in the air so there would be light to read by.  I could go on for pages.  I am not a self-made chorus teacher.  I am the result of countless individuals, from the college professors who showed me how to run a rehearsal to the elementary school custodians who made sure my environment was sanitary, bringing their skills and efforts to society.

No man is an island.  And if we look at our accomplishments and try to declare ourselves islands, we are lying to ourselves.

God's Instagram During Creation

For those unfamiliar with Instagram, it's a photo-sharing app and website...it's like Twitter, but with pictures. The photo appears, then a list of who has "liked" it, then the poster's caption.  Normally on Instagram, the most recently posted picture appears first and you go backward chronologically; I have reordered these so that the first picture posted is the first you see.

New Adventures and also Lists!

I am having a little trouble sleeping this evening.

Tomorrow is a big day for a few reasons...

1. Easter Sunday, which means a big ol' party at church starting (for me) at 7:30 AM
2. The Garner Egg Hunt, which I'll only be able to visit for a short time because...
3. ...I'm going to the beach!

My Spring Break is this week and last Sunday, my aunt invited me out to her condo on the beach.  I can't stay the whole week because I have class Thursday night, but I can at least stay a few nights.  It's a big deal for me because, at a Google Maps-estimated 7 hours, it will be the longest I have ever driven alone.  I've driven 9 consecutive hours with a passenger in the car (it was my mom's car and I felt weird about letting someone else drive it) and I've driven between 4 and 5 hours alone on three occasions (all to or from Savannah).  This drive contains a long list of directions and requires me to exit or turn pretty frequently...the longest Google Maps estimates I'll be on any one highway is an hour, so I think I'll be pretty occupied with looking for the next turn for much of the ride.  I'm not really nervous or anything, although I'm not sure the same can be said for my husband.  He's said, "I wish someone were riding with you" about 7 times.  I think I'll be all right, though.  I have some things in mind to help me stay entertained on those 30 to 60 minute stretches of a single road.  The real nail-biter will be the trip back, because I plan to leave Thursday morning and go straight from the beach to Athens for class.  Yes, that's right, I'll be dragging my raggedy keister into Aderhold Hall straight from a 7 hour drive, all gross from the car ride and smelling like Doritos.  Hotness.

No, I am not telling you what beach I am going to because the weather forecasts for that place keep changing from favorable to unfavorable and back again and I don't want you people getting all schadenfreude on me with your, "Hey, it says it's going to rain.  You shouldn't go" or "Haha, sorry the weather's going to ruin your vacation!"  SHUT IT.  YOU ARE SCREWING UP THE KARMA WITH YOUR JEALOUSY.

In related news, I got a little ridiculous with the packing.  I'll be there Sunday night through early Thursday morning, which means I'm basically spending three whole days there.  Here's what I thought I would need for three whole days in which the only other person to see me will be my (technically my husband's) aunt:

• Three T-shirts
• Two "nice shirts"
• Two sets of "good shorts"
• A pair of average shorts
• A pair of capris
• Lots and lots of underthings
• Four swimsuits
• Four separate sets of pajamas
• Four pairs of shoes (two pairs of sandals, some slip-ons and some Converse)
• All of my makeup
• Three movies and four books, because I'm totally gonna get all of that watched and read
• My textbooks and school supplies (lolwut?)

Along with more mundane things like sunblock, toothbrush, etc.  Before you start rolling your eyes and thinking stereotypical thoughts, I can list five gentlemen known personally to me off the top of my head who do the same sort of thing while possessing other behaviors typically coded "masculine."  So step off with your socially constructed gender expectations!  Lots of yelling in this post, hm.  I just like to feel prepared for anything.

Some of the things I'm looking forward to the most are pretty indicative of what a hermit I can be sometimes.  Don't get me wrong - I've had lots of wonderful road trips with friends and family and have really enjoyed them (Jenna's Get Pumped playlist is top-notch), I'm just looking forward to a different sort of vibe.  Kinda like how if you usually go to Pueblo's for lunch and one day decide to go to O'Charley's, you're looking forward to the O'Charley's even though you totally still love Pueblo's.  Ok.  Disclaimer over.  I'm looking forward to

driving for as long as I want to and being able to decide what to eat really quickly rather than vacillating because I want to please the other people in the car

having complete and insane control over the in-ride entertainment ("First I'll listen to an episode of The Venture Brothers and then I'll record myself talking about my life and use it in a YouTube video!")

having a room all to myself where I can leave junk everywhere and watch stupid movies really late and not feel like I'm inconveniencing or bothering someone else

doing the stereotypical beach stuff, like reading, but without the nagging back-of-the-mind voice that goes "You should be more sociable.  You're being weird."

cooking and eating some fresh seafood (Auntie is a forreals amazing cook)

basically being a selfish jerk and doing whatever I want without being considerate of anyone else's preferences or schedule except for Auntie, and she's pretty much one of the most laid-back people I know

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *
So those are my Spring Break plans.  After class Thursday night, I'll make the hour drive home (a drive which I'm sure will be punctuated by extra crazy since I'll have driven all day...should probably record it) and probably crash hard and sleep until noon on Friday.  It will be the first Spring Break traveling I've done since college, only it'll be warmer because my college thought the first week of March was an appropriate time for a "Spring" break.  If you've read this entire self-seeking descent into madness, I hope you enjoyed it.

Fall 2012: A Semester In Review

The Fall semester is usually a pretty crazy one for high school teachers, what with the football season, Homecoming, tons of testing, yearbook photo days, big focus-draining holidays like Halloween and Thanksgiving, band competition season, theatre competition season, All-State auditions and district events for NAfME groups...yeah.  I wouldn't be surprised if, taking out the days you miss both in holiday form and in something-crazy-is-happening-so-no-one's-paying-attention form, the Fall semester is something like 1/4 shorter than Spring.  Lots of life jammed into roughly 4.5 months!

Awesome Things that Happened in Fall 2012

• I met lots of great new students, some of whom were new baby freshmen and some of whom I adopted from band and theatre.
• The second annual Combined Fall Concert with the middle school, in which I got to do my two favorite things: play and conduct!
• I made use of a rich pool of instrumental talent by having my kids play in concerts.
• I HAD MY FIRST FUNDRAISER!
• It actually made money!
• No big disasters happened!
• I discovered that part of the reason my kids are awesome is because their parents are awesome - parent volunteers made Coffeehouse the success it was.
• I WON THE "I INSPIRE GOLD" AWARD!
• The second annual Inspire was super fun and proved a perfect vehicle for getting to know the students so we could make more informed decisions with the other musicals!
• I had some kids go to "I Love A Piano" at Brenau, which was really fun and educational!
• I got to play Middle Treble Honor Chorus!
• I got to play the middle school's Winter Concert!  Every year, I get so excited hearing the progress, especially within the 8th grade, since those kids are coming to me soon!
• I GOT TO BE IN THE 25th ANNUAL PUTNAM COUNTY SPELLING BEE!
• I took two Master's degree courses and, as of this writing, am making As in both!  (Check back with me in January, when the finals have been graded and grades posted...)
• I had 6 kids make All-State!
• I switched my kids to solfege and nobody died!
• Inside Joke Theatre
• "Recognize!" (taken from Scrubs)
• "Soiled it!" (taken from SpongeBob)
• "It's a joke."
• "It's a metaphor."
• "BOJANGLES"
• Football Eyes
• "Scooping is for ice cream parlors!" (K.B.)
• "Break hearts?  BREAK FACE!" (R.B.)
• "WHAT NOW????" (J.T.)
• Herp Derpington, Sir John Trollingham, and Derpina
• "Trololololololololooooooo!"
• "He's a matador."
• "We-EEEEEEEE!"

Now onward to Spring and LGPE, Footloose, ACP 2013, concert and finals season...bring it!

The Southern Cooking Hierarchy

My professor and I met today to discuss my project for her class, what courses I'm going to take next semester and in the summer, and naturally got around to talking about Thanksgiving.  She asked whether I was cooking.

She is not from the South.  I can tell by how she pronounces her "o"s.  So I schooled her in the Southern Cooking Hierarchy, in which big families often share the burden of the Thanksgiving meal...

Tier 1: Oldest Female Relatives
Yes, here in the South we are largely still clinging to 1950s gender roles, nauseating as they are.  So your top-tier relatives, usually the grandmothers and great-grandmothers, get the most important dishes because ostensibly they have had the most experience in cooking and will do the best job.  Also they walked to school in the snow barefoot uphill both ways and DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN and what-not.  They get the dishes that top the Thanksgiving marquee: turkey, dressing, really excellent desserts, and gravy.  Naturally, I took a momentary tangent at this point in the conversation to preach the gospel of gravy and how the good ones don't come in a packet and how top-tier relatives get this one because it takes a good 30 years to get good at homemade gravy.  And even then, God still won't let you get it right sometimes.

Tier 2: Next Generation of Female Relatives, aka "Everyone who turns her head when someone yells 'MOM' or sisters thereof."
The second tier of female relatives tends to consist of parents of dependent children and other adults in their same age group.  This group gets assigned side dishes - green bean casserole, sweet potato souffle, and occasionally deviled eggs if someone in this group is over 45.  Otherwise, the eggs are sent to Tier 1, because DEVILED EGGS!!

Tier 3: Awkward Semi-Adults
I fall into this category; these are the adults who have been out of their parents' homes for 5 or fewer years, give or take.  Often, this group includes women who are younger siblings or in-laws of Tier 2 people who are aged out of Tier 2 and adult children of Tier 2 people.  Tier 3 people are assigned microwaveable or canned dishes because Tiers 1 and 2 tend to suspect that Tier 3 people eat Easy Mac every night and don't understand the difference between "broiling" and "boiling" outside of the "r".  If the Tier 3 person is still in the WOO GIRL stage of life, she'll probably get assigned Coca-Cola or napkins, with a Tier 2 person at the ready to run to Kroger in case the Tier 3 girl doesn't show up at all.

Tier 4: Consumers
Children and husbands.  Because apparently (as the aforementioned 50s gender roles would suggest), men are incapable of cooking unless there's actual fire involved.

*************************************

Of course, I am only joking around.  I am really looking forward to this Thanksgiving - both my family and my husband's family are wonderful people and I love spending time with them all.

And for those of you who are curious, I got assigned rice by one group (upper-level Tier 3 with an imminent promotion) and cookies by another (Tier 2.)  We grow up so fast.

Venture Predictions

SPOILER/INSIDER ALERT: If you're a Venture fan who hasn't seen Very Venture Halloween yet, I'll be spoiling it left and right.  If you're unfamiliar with The Venture Brothers, (a) get on that and (b) you'll find this post pretty obscure.

So we got Rokus for each of our televisions and are on the verge of abandoning broadcast television altogether in favor of internet streaming.  There are about seven hundred things in the "Pro" list on this decision and only three in the "Con" list:
1. The internet gets slow/buggy more often than the satellite.  The bugs and occasional wait time for loading don't really bother me...I'm not sure the same can be said for my husband.
2. No local channels, so I can't watch channel 2 to see which counties are in red for tornado warning and which are yellow for tornado watch.  Since March 20, 1998 (for some of our more seasoned residents, since April 6, 1936), we're all a little squeamish about tornados around here.
3. The new Venture Brothers episodes.

Regular readers know about my love of all things Venture, despite its pretty spectacular failing of the Bechdel test (SRSLY, Tatiana, Y U NO HAVE LINES?); It's snappy and funny and I am really jonesing for new episodes.  I suppose I could bite the bullet and spend the money on that Adult Swim Gold membership or whatever and watch them on my computer or just be patient and wait until they're released to Adult Swim's general-access site.  But it's tough to wait, especially since I watched (on the satellite that we haven't abandoned quite yet) the Very Venture Halloween special, which was the first new episode in a long time - the Shallow Gravy special aired a year and change ago and the last season finale was over two years ago.  The series was never cancelled and the next season has been repeatedly promised, though its ETA has moved several times - James Urbaniak (the voice of Dr. Venture) says it's coming soon and the Very Venture Halloween threw some weight behind all those promises by advancing various story arcs from the last season and introducing new plot points that presumably will be clarified in the new season.  I'm in a sporting mood, so I'm going to make some observations and a few predictions about some of the weirdness going on in that episode and we'll see in the forthcoming season if I'm right!

1. Sergeant Hatred's "Costume."
It seems picayune on the surface, but it really bugs me that the only thing distinguishing Halloween Hatred from Everyday Hatred was a bosom.  He was still in Venture blues, no makeup or wigs or anything.  And we know he at least has access to face paint from "Blood of the Father, Heart of Steel," so he could easily have given himself fake lipstick or something if it were actually a costume.
My Prediction
He's going the Hunter Gathers route, not for undercover reasons as Hunter did, but because he thinks it will help him reverse his dark secret and also because Princess Tinyfeet likes it, seeing as how she's got a few secrets of her own.

2. New Dean
This one's obvious to any follower of the show.  New Dean isn't really that new at all - he's morose, disillusioned and aloof, just like Rusty was at his age.  In "Every Which Way But Zeus," Rusty confesses to a disguised Hank that, "I see so much of myself in that kid that I want to apologize to him for his existence." [EDIT: Whoops!  Rusty said this of Hank, not Dean.  But I think my prediction still holds water.]
My Prediction
Given the overall vibe of the show, which is all about glorious failure, Dean is most certainly not going to be the Venture Who Makes It.  No one is.  But Dean also won't break his neck trying to make it because he's watched his dad walk down that tired road too many times.  Rusty was right in the aforementioned episode at the time when he said, "Dean believes this crap!"  But by now, Dean has already started disbelieving all this crap.  He will try to disappear.  As soon as he's able, he will get as far away from Venture Industries, The Guild, OSI, Hank and Rusty as he can.  He'll go from the trembling child who asked, "Why can't I just have a normal life???" to the bitter adult who will say, "I can, and I will."
But he won't.  Hank and Rusty will always come around asking for money, people will stop him on the street because they recognize his last name - even later in life because of Jonas Jr. - and he will always grimace around Hot Topics because of Triana.  Because (don't judge, Rusty said lots of good stuff in that episode!), "He's a Venture.  He can't shake it." [EDIT: Again, this was actually said of Hank, but I'm pretty sure it holds true for Dean as well.]

3. Dermott and Doc
Never assume that any Venture thing is a one-off.  Dermott himself is evidence of that.  The Shallow Gravy special is neatly folded into this episode when Rusty tries to cultivate manners in Dermott, saying, "I have my reasons."  Even though it comes with all these provisos, like the fact that Dermott's situation is Rusty's fault, I find it vaguely noble that Rusty is taking a little filial responsibility.
My Prediction
What we saw is what we'll get.  Rusty will continue to insist that Dermott wipe his feet and put his napkin in his lap and ring doorbells and will never tell him or anyone else why.  Because the same vague nobility that compels him to try and improve Dermott as a person will also compel him not to destroy the life Dermott knows, even if it is built on lies.

4. Rusty in General
Is it just me, or did Rusty seem more lethargic in this episode?  I know he was drinking Hunchbacks all through the episode, but if they had any effect, it should have been copious vomiting.  Rusty has never been one to get too enthusiastic about anything that doesn't stand a chance of making him rich or popular, but in this episode he was more crotchety and morose than usual.
My Prediction
Between the therapy sessions in "Self-Medication" and the psychological earthquake of "Assisted Suicide," Rusty is finally coming to terms with himself.  Just as Orpheus's cheesy speech at the end says, Rusty is finding his true self.  He's beginning to realize that he never truly was the Boy Adventurer, he was never a Super Scientist, he was never suave or popular.  He was a neglected child star who was pushed into a career he had no aptitude for and as a result of his childhood abuse was never able to form meaningful relationships with friends, partners or his own children, hence his preference for making cloned copies of his boys over, you know, keeping them safe.  But now the clones are gone, there's a new child in his life, and he's not getting any younger.  He is realizing that he will never be like Jonas or Jonas Jr. and this realization will send him spiraling into depression.  He won't do anything drastic - at least, nothing any more drastic than his existing bad habits - he'll just be less happy.  But it will be a different type of unhappiness than his usual frustration over his failed get-rich-quick schemes and such.  It will be a more genuine unhappiness born of realizing the giant lie that is his life.  In a perverse way, this unhappiness will be the most grounded and secure he has ever been because finally, something in his world is based on truth.

5. Ben
Everyone will be making predictions about this because it was the biggest ERMAHGERD in the episode.  Who the heck is Ben?
My Prediction
In the episode, Ben says that he worked with Jonas on cloning and later with Rusty, so this is what I think: Ben is Jonas's brother and the real super science muscle behind Venture Industries.  Growing up, Jonas was more athletic and charismatic, while Ben was more scientifically gifted and withdrawn.  Jonas took credit for Ben's work on cloning, rocketing him to fame and fortune and setting him up to found Team Venture and create the shows.  Ben, upset but a generally laid-back guy, approached Jonas and threatened to out him as a liar if he didn't let Ben enjoy some of the trappings of his success.  Ben was not extroverted and didn't want any of the fame and popularity - Jonas could have all of that - but Ben did want and deserve the money.  So Jonas struck a deal in which Ben got a piece of the Venture property in which to live in solitude, a state Jonas helped ensure by turning the adjacent field into a mass grave for the various villains he killed as well as setting up Ben's home to appear "haunted" so that people would leave him alone.  Ben supplied the super-science "discoveries" that were attributed to Jonas, got the profits from those discoveries and got to pursue his hobbies (which obviously include taxidermy as evidenced by his home) at length, while Jonas lived off of the television shows and superheroing around with Team Venture.  On their combined efforts, Venture Industries became a media and science giant.  Jonas, ever the opportunistic guy, tried to push Rusty into a science career so that he could eventually run Venture Industries with Rusty instead of Ben, but soon discovered that Rusty was just as inept at science as he was.  Rusty, however, was unwilling to accept this and initially vowed that he would someday run Venture Industries entirely on his own, gaining even more fame than Jonas and making even more scientific breakthroughs than Ben.  Jonas died before he could try to talk Rusty out of his mismatched aspirations.  Through the years, Rusty would keep working toward his goals and continue to fail and would periodically have to go to Ben to keep the company afloat, always telling himself that he was including Ben out of altruism rather than desperation.  Ben saw this behavior for what it was: the straw-grasping of a man so emotionally destroyed by his father that he might never be able to perceive reality.  Since Rusty's visits occurred frequently enough to keep them both in homes and fed, and because he knew full well that it would be a long time before Rusty would acknowledge the truth, Ben chose not to rock the boat and kept Rusty and Venture Industries supplied with this and that product.  But during the time period of the latest season, during Rusty's two big psychological events, Ben noticed the same sort of descending depression that I did and thought that it might be getting close to time to put everything out in the open and that he would take the next opportunity that presented itself.
And it presented itself at Halloween 2012, when Dean decided to see what was in that creepy old building that they called "The Potter Place."

So now let's all watch the new season, whenever it comes, and see if I'm psychic or what!

A Letter To Me

I was thinking about that Brad Paisley song in which he sings to his 17-year-old self the other day and wondered what I would tell my 17-year-old self in a letter.  So I'm going to give it a shot - maybe the teens who read this blog will get something out of it.

Dear Ashley at 17,

Because, as you just learned from On Writing Well, giant paragraphs are hard to read, I'm going to give you information in bullet points.  Just some little bites to encourage you!

• Don't worry so much about big shiny achievements.  All those trophies and plaques you used to display in your room are now in a box in your storage room - it's no longer important to me that everyone know I won the school spelling bee in 5th grade.
• I know it's your nature to be this way, but you don't need to worry about what other people think of you.  The people around you are too focused on how *they* are being perceived to really notice you much at all.
• Even though it feels this way when people call you this, being "sensitive" doesn't mean you're weak.  It's a side effect of your artistic ability.  It's what makes you able to put your feelings into meaningful words and music and someday, it will give you lots of compassion for your high school students who also feel hurt and alienated by the world.
• You already know the person you're going to marry and you even like him a little, but it's not anyone you think it is right now.  Boys your age are largely not ready to love and commit the way you need/want them to (not because they're bad or wrong - they're just young), but the guy you end up marrying will be different.  He will roll with you even as your beliefs and identity change, and even though you'll go through some difficult times, you will learn and grow so much because of him.
• Let things go.  In an hour, no one will remember that you answered a question wrong.  In a week, no one will remember when you accidentally hit a tree (going very slowly) with your car.  And in 9 years, you yourself will not remember many of the things that take up so much of your psyche now.
• Technology will progress so much.  One day, that massive CD collection will be replaced by a little device you can fit in your pocket that can instantly access music, the internet, your email, and even games you enjoy now like Bookworm!
• It is annoying to hear, but Mom really does know more than you do.  When she seems to be coming out of left field with her thoughts, it's because she's seen things you can't and don't want to envision.
• A bunch of the friends you have now are married, have or are having kids, or are embarking on big careers.  Also, you'll still be friends with a lot of the people in your close circle of friends because they are such good people; Sybil, Ashlyn, Sara, Deanna, Niki and so many others will be your friends for years to come.
• Right now, you have a slightly skewed view of forgiveness because of your people-pleasing nature - it's ok to acknowledge when someone you love makes a mistake.  That is, in fact, the first step of forgiving.  It's also ok to feel pain because of that mistake.  The forgiveness part happens when you don't make that person make up for the pain.
• Thank your drama teacher.  She has already had and will continue to have a huge impact on your career.
• Thank your chorus teacher.  Same goes for him.
• I would keep listing people who impact your career, but the fact is that every musician and performer you encounter will do that in some way.  Appreciate them.
• Appreciate the people in your life in general, even the ones you might not favor so much right now.  Life is unpredictable.
• In 9 years, many of your opinions and much of how you perceive the world will change.  That's how it's supposed to be - you adapt to new information.  
• You already sense that you are insecure.  The biggest thing I'd like to impress upon you in this letter is that one day, you will feel secure.  Much of what is happening now in your life will fade into a few scattered memories.  You are happy some of the time now - by the time you are 26, you will be happy much more often.  You will find joy in things you didn't expect.  You will meet wonderful people.  You will learn wonderful things.  Everything about your world will be different, and nearly everything about your world will be better.

So hang in there.  Like Brad Paisley will say in a few years' time: "And I'd end by saying, 'Have no fear.  These are nowhere near the best years of your life.'"

Love, Ashley