A Letter To Me

I was thinking about that Brad Paisley song in which he sings to his 17-year-old self the other day and wondered what I would tell my 17-year-old self in a letter.  So I'm going to give it a shot - maybe the teens who read this blog will get something out of it.

Dear Ashley at 17,

Because, as you just learned from On Writing Well, giant paragraphs are hard to read, I'm going to give you information in bullet points.  Just some little bites to encourage you!

• Don't worry so much about big shiny achievements.  All those trophies and plaques you used to display in your room are now in a box in your storage room - it's no longer important to me that everyone know I won the school spelling bee in 5th grade.
• I know it's your nature to be this way, but you don't need to worry about what other people think of you.  The people around you are too focused on how *they* are being perceived to really notice you much at all.
• Even though it feels this way when people call you this, being "sensitive" doesn't mean you're weak.  It's a side effect of your artistic ability.  It's what makes you able to put your feelings into meaningful words and music and someday, it will give you lots of compassion for your high school students who also feel hurt and alienated by the world.
• You already know the person you're going to marry and you even like him a little, but it's not anyone you think it is right now.  Boys your age are largely not ready to love and commit the way you need/want them to (not because they're bad or wrong - they're just young), but the guy you end up marrying will be different.  He will roll with you even as your beliefs and identity change, and even though you'll go through some difficult times, you will learn and grow so much because of him.
• Let things go.  In an hour, no one will remember that you answered a question wrong.  In a week, no one will remember when you accidentally hit a tree (going very slowly) with your car.  And in 9 years, you yourself will not remember many of the things that take up so much of your psyche now.
• Technology will progress so much.  One day, that massive CD collection will be replaced by a little device you can fit in your pocket that can instantly access music, the internet, your email, and even games you enjoy now like Bookworm!
• It is annoying to hear, but Mom really does know more than you do.  When she seems to be coming out of left field with her thoughts, it's because she's seen things you can't and don't want to envision.
• A bunch of the friends you have now are married, have or are having kids, or are embarking on big careers.  Also, you'll still be friends with a lot of the people in your close circle of friends because they are such good people; Sybil, Ashlyn, Sara, Deanna, Niki and so many others will be your friends for years to come.
• Right now, you have a slightly skewed view of forgiveness because of your people-pleasing nature - it's ok to acknowledge when someone you love makes a mistake.  That is, in fact, the first step of forgiving.  It's also ok to feel pain because of that mistake.  The forgiveness part happens when you don't make that person make up for the pain.
• Thank your drama teacher.  She has already had and will continue to have a huge impact on your career.
• Thank your chorus teacher.  Same goes for him.
• I would keep listing people who impact your career, but the fact is that every musician and performer you encounter will do that in some way.  Appreciate them.
• Appreciate the people in your life in general, even the ones you might not favor so much right now.  Life is unpredictable.
• In 9 years, many of your opinions and much of how you perceive the world will change.  That's how it's supposed to be - you adapt to new information.  
• You already sense that you are insecure.  The biggest thing I'd like to impress upon you in this letter is that one day, you will feel secure.  Much of what is happening now in your life will fade into a few scattered memories.  You are happy some of the time now - by the time you are 26, you will be happy much more often.  You will find joy in things you didn't expect.  You will meet wonderful people.  You will learn wonderful things.  Everything about your world will be different, and nearly everything about your world will be better.

So hang in there.  Like Brad Paisley will say in a few years' time: "And I'd end by saying, 'Have no fear.  These are nowhere near the best years of your life.'"

Love, Ashley