Much Ado about The Mundane

This post is inspired by an email Dad sent me comparing stereotypical male and female showering habits.  The first step-by-step was my reply to the email.

The Morning Shower
1. Walk to bathroom in pajamas, grumbling incoherently because there is NO WAY that it is 6:00 a.m. already, for the love of Pete...
2. Turn on bathroom light and give a start as the brightness assaults your eyes
3. Turn hot water knob all the way on
4. Spend the 5 minutes it takes the water to actually become hot removing pajamas and spit-shining the smeared mascara off your face
5. Check water temperature, scald hand, turn cold knob ever-so-slightly
6. Step into now-tepid shower, fuss with cold knob further
7. Squeeze shampoo into hand, begin washing hair, then curse the world because you accidentally got the conditioner instead and will now spend the day looking as though you put Vitalis in your hair
8. Rinse conditioner out of hair, get shampoo bottle, stare at it to make sure it is actually the shampoo bottle, then wash hair
9. Get sponge, ignore the fact that the spot where the sponge was sitting is slightly moldy, lather up and wash
10. Begin freaking out because hot water is beginning to wane
11. Wash face in expensive acne-preventative soap that seems to be prejudiced against your chin
12. Struggle to turn water off because you are now so cold that your joints are locking up
13. Stagger quietly to laundry room to find clothes, trying not to wake your husband, who will be asleep until you leave at 7:00.

The Morning Commute - School Day Edition
Most of my readers know this, but in case a stranger stumbles across: I teach at a private school three mornings a week and the school is 30 minutes away, whereas my retail job is only 10.
1. Laden with purse, heavy teaching supplies bag and coffee thermos, stumble out front door, not bothering to lock deadbolt because you figure that Husband can protect himself against assailants effectively
2. Start car, find spot in passenger seat to set bag and purse and attempt to clear a cupholder for your coffee
3. Spend first five minutes of commute flipping among morning shows trying to catch your favorite segments (The Pastors on Steve Harvey, Wow Wednesday on Cadillac and Dallas, Pretty Much Everything on The Burt Show)
4. (Winter) Watch car temperature gauge to see when you can turn the heat on.  (Summer)  Roll down window slightly, rejoice in sunshine
5. Think about past awkward situation/impending future awkward situation/potential future awkward situation/completely impossible future awkward situation/moment when you meet your celebrity crush
6. Begin mentally rehearsing what you'll do and say (or what you should have done and said) in whichever of the aforementioned situations you are thinking about
7. Gradually forget that you are in the car and thus visible and begin speaking aloud to the Imaginary Situation
8. Begin making exaggerated facial expressions and hand gestures with the hand that is not steering the car
9. Check eye makeup in mirror and catch quizzical expression from neighboring driver in your peripheral vision and be jarringly reminded that other people can see you talking
10. Pick up phone and pretend to be saying goodbye and hanging up from a speakerphone call
11. Remember that show on MTV that put hidden cameras in rental cars to catch people singing, wonder if there is a hidden camera in your car, begin freaking out
12. Turn on your CD player and begin harmonizing with Kristin Chenoweth to redeem yourself to the creepers watching your car's hidden camera feed
13. Arrive at school

Yoga Workout (Non-School Days)
1. (Night before) Assemble mat, blocks and strap and clean room to help foster thoughts that you are a Zen Flower, strong and beautiful and capable of anything
2. (Morning of) Have no such thoughts; lament the fact that you are up at 6 on a day that you don't have to be at work until 10
3. Boot up laptop and click the bookmark for your yoga workout.  (Yes, that is BYUTV, as in Brigham Young University TV, chosen because I know it will approach the yoga from a health standpoint and eschew its original religious meaning - don't have a problem with the Eastern religions, they just aren't personally relevant to me, nor are they relevant to Mormons)
4. Make half-hearted attempts at stretching while Deni Preston talks about proper yoga technique, which you will probably botch because Deni Preston is not there with you personally to check
5. Perform Sun Salutations.  Become self-conscious when you hear the THUD that occurs when you descend to the floor to perform Downward Dog
6. Become self-conscious when you start feeling tired 5 minutes into the workout
7. Become self-conscious when you realize that the top part of the window to your workout room is uncovered and a hypothetical creeper in your front yard tree could see you
8. Fall out of Triangles
9. Fall out of Prayer Twist
10. Hold breath to stop falling out of poses.  Hear Deni remind you to breathe.  Yell to Deni that "BREATHING MAKES IT HARDER!!!"
11. Rejoice when cool down set begins
12. Start to doze off in Corpse Pose, then realize that it's past 7 and begin the Morning Math:
   12.1. "If I shower now, there will be enough time for the hot water to recover for Andrew's shower.  But I'm tired."
   12.2. "If I wait until after Andrew's shower, I won't be able to shower until 8, which means I won't have enough time to do full makeup and a good hairstyle.  How badly do I want to look pretty?"
   12.3. "How gross am I?  Can I get away without showering at all?"
13.  Resign, grudgingly rise and stumble to shower

Entering Participation Grades
1. (Day 10 of Semester) Remember that you need to post Participation Grades as assignments and start entering them.  Make mental note to do so later
2. (Day 30 of Semester) Remember that you need to post Participation Grades as assignments and start entering them.  Make mental note to do so later
3. (Day 60 of Semester) Remember that you need to post Participation Grades as assignments and start entering them.  Make mental note to do so later
4. (Beginning of Finals Week) Remember that you need to post Participation Grades as assignments and start entering them.  Make mental note that you have only a week left to do so
5. (Night before deadline) Post Participation Grades as assignments and give out straight 100s, thanking the Lord that you only have three students and that they all have exemplary behavior