I Am The Fringe

Editor's note: NOT A MOVIE ENTRY, although it will mention a media conglomerate most heavily associated with films.

Yep, it's true.  I am in league with those people who believe that Dark Side of the Moon lines up with The Wizard of Oz if you start the record at the third MGM lion roar or whatever.  (I've never tried it, but I'm sure it would be fascinating if I could stand to listen to Pink Floyd for longer than 20 seconds.)
Which I'm pretty sure is not news to you guys, but it has come to my attention recently because I was listening to the song "Tragic Kingdom" by No Doubt the other morning and had a ZOMGEPIPHANY about it.  The CD it comes from, also called Tragic Kingdom, was one of the first CDs I ever owned.  When I was 12, it rotated through my CD player in between SpiceWorld and the soundtrack to Hercules.  And I always used to think that the song "Tragic Kingdom" was just a fancy theatrical venture on an album that is otherwise Gwen Stefani's various post-breakup hate letters to her ex.  And I suppose, if you were coming into it from a heavily metaphorical perspective, "Tragic Kingdom" could be read as a metaphor for the end of their relationship.  I didn't ever think this, though; I just thought it was a big fanciful story about a ruined medieval kingdom.

Before I delve into my epiphany, allow me to post the song and the lyrics for your consideration:

Once was a magical place
Over time it was lost
Price increased the cost
Now the fortune of the kingdom
Is locked up in its dungeon vaults
The castle floor lies in traps
With coiled wires set back
Decoyed by old cheese
Now the drawbridge has been lifted
As the millions
They drop to their knees
They pay homage to a king
Whose dreams are buried
In their minds
His tears are frozen stiff
Icicles drip from his eyes

The cold wind blows as it snows
On those who fight to get in
On heads that are small
Disillusioned as they enter
They're unaware what's
Behind castle walls
But now it's written in stone
The king has been overthrown
By jesterly fools
And the power of the people
Shall come to believe they do rule

They pay homage to a king
Whose dreams are buried
In their minds
His tears are frozen stiff
Icicles drip from his eyes
Welcome to the tragic kingdom
Cornfields of popcorn
Have yet to spring open

Have they lost their heads
Or are they just all blind mice
We've heard all their stories
One too many times
Hypnotized by fireflies
They glow in the dark
Midgets that disguise themselves
As tiny little dwarfs
The parade that's electrical
It serves no real purpose
Just takes up a lot of juice
Just to impress us

They pay homage to a king
Whose dreams are buried
In their minds
His tears are frozen stiff
Icicles drip from his eyes

Oh, they drip from his eyes
Into the night
They drip from his eyes

Welcome to the tragic kingdom
Cornfields of popcorn
Have yet to spring open

So that's the song.  (Bugs me that Gwen doesn't know how to pronounce "homage.")  And I have to confess - I had my little epiphany about it, then went online and realized that the epiphany wasn't entirely mine and wasn't entirely secret, although Professor Wikipedia does not dig as deeply into it as I did because, as I may have mentioned, I am the fringe.

Yep, finally realized after, oh, 13 years of listening to the song, that "Tragic Kingdom" rhymes with "Magic Kingdom."  As in Disney.  And Disneyland is in Anaheim, where No Doubt was born and bred.  As the Wikipedia link I provided shows, that observation is not my crazy imagination reaching - that was an intentional pun by the band.  The rest of my observations, however....

Y'all, I want you to realize that I feel appropriately ashamed that I initiated several mental synapses listening to the lyrics and realizing all the different ways that they could be taken as Disney references.  But of course, my shame over being a lunatic will not prevent me from re-copying the lyrics and pointing out all those places to you!  Because it's my blog and I do what I want!  So you'll see the lyrics in italics, and my super profound and not-at-all-awkwardly-crazy thoughts will appear in bold.



Once was a magical place
Over time it was lost
Price increased the cost
Commentary on the growing commercialism/merchandising hype that took hold not only of Disney, but of all the big movie machines?  I think so!
Now the fortune of the kingdom
Is locked up in its dungeon vaults
Disney vault.  Where they hide the really popular and well-made Disney films until they need to make more money or until a new format gets released.  *coughLIONKINGIN3Dcough*
The castle floor lies in traps
With coiled wires set back
Decoyed by old cheese
I always thought this line was weird, and still do, unless cheese = mouse.  Hmm.
Now the drawbridge has been lifted
As the millions
They drop to their knees
They pay homage to a king
Whose dreams are buried
In their minds
The great and powerful aspirations of WALT hang heavy over us all.
His tears are frozen stiff
Icicles drip from his eyes.
Possible reference to the urban legend that Walt was cryogenically frozen when he died.  (In reality, quite the opposite - he was cremated.)
The cold wind blows as it snows
On those who fight to get in
On heads that are small
Disillusioned as they enter
They're unaware what's
Behind castle walls
Hm.  Don Bluth saw what was behind castle walls and got disillusioned.  Just saying.
But now it's written in stone
The king has been overthrown
By jesterly fools
Comment on the failure of post-Walt head honchos to ignite the same magic and innovation he did?  Possibly.
And the power of the people
Shall come to believe they do rule
[snipped because of repeated lyrics]
Welcome to the tragic kingdom
Cornfields of popcorn
Popcorn = theme parks and movies.  HMMMM.
Have yet to spring open

Have they lost their heads
Or are they just all blind mice
MICE
We've heard all the stories
One too many times
Disney's standard formula, especially in the beginning: take existing stories, like novels and fairy tales (especially those in the public domain) and adapt for film.
Hypnotized by fireflies
They glow in the darkHow much Disney magic is made to look like little fireflies?  Think of Tinkerbell's magic, the Fantasia fairies, the Fairy Godmother's magic in Cinderella...
Midgets that disguise themselves
As tiny little dwarfs
Dwarfs.  Yeah.  First feature-length animated film the House of Mouse ever made.
The parade that's electrical
It serves no real purpose
Just takes up a lot of juice
Just to impress us
Main Street Electrical Parade.  Obvy.
[remainder snipped because of repeated lyrics]

So these were the very important and relevant thoughts my brain was producing when I was doing my dance-workout and trying not to be freaked out about my upcoming concert.  Left with a dose of nervousness-adrenaline and nothing to focus it on, my mind goes to some pretty interesting places.  Of course, as regular readers will note, my mind goes to interesting places whether I am guiding it or not.  But it's entertaining, right? 

I Am Straight-To-Video Movies, and So Can You!

Yes, I do remember that I have a blog.  I'm one month into a new job and this is the first chance I've had to really write much of anything in a long time.  And whadaya know, it's another movie post!

To the surprise of no one, I come from a family of avid film watchers.  And of course, the big names can only sustain the film watcher's appetite for so long, especially the child film watcher.  So I thought I'd take you on a little tour of some of the lesser-known (or completely unknown) film gems Amber and I enjoyed as kids.  And before you are tempted to complain, please note the absence of such adjectives as "quality", "engaging", "good" and suchlike.
As an aside: some of the samples from YouTube are going to be the first 10 minutes of the film.  Most of them aren't popular enough for YouTubers to be all "Here's the big musical number!" or "Here's the scary part!"  There's only "Movie Name: Part 1" or "Entire Dadgum Movie."  Sorry about that.

1. The Jungle King
A teeny tiny straight-to-video little number that recycles an old chestnut about twins..."They look the same, but they are different!  I wonder if they will learn something from each other?"  It's hilarious to watch this snippet as an adult and to notice just how heavily the layouts, set designs and characterizations borrow pretty heavily from other popular releases of the time - the Sultan's palace from Aladdin, the interiors reminiscent of the pretty parts of the Beast's castle, and of course, some pretty blatant borrowing from Lion King, which, shocker of shockers, came out the same year.  Kinda reminds you of the recent swarm of mediocre vampire entertainments that have cropped up in response to the popularity of Twilight.

2. Little Nemo - Adventures in Slumberland
A Japanese film that, for lots of kids my age who weren't counter-culture enough to be into comics and graphic novels and not old enough to watch the grown-up stuff being offered on MTV, was an introduction to anime.  And if you have a look at the credits, you'll notice that Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451, which lots of us had to read in high school, and All Summer In A Day, which I'm beginning to think only I ever read) contributed to the film. 

3. Happily Ever After
Happily Ever After pioneered the use of big-name celebrities as voice actors to bring some buzz to a film.  In want of the big funding and marketing that the bigger companies had, the fine folks at Filmation stacked their cast with stars from lots of different media - Ed Asner, Carol Channing, Irene Cara, Phyllis Diller (whose big musical number you may remember from my movie musicals essential soundtrack) et al.  Didn't help much, seeing as how Filmation filed bankruptcy and folded shortly thereafter.  Happily Ever After is an unofficial sequel to Snow White, featuring seven dwarfelles who are endowed with supernatural power over different elements.  Little Thunderella (Tracey Ullman), though, is in a bind over hers...

4. The Magic Voyage
Another foreign film that got re-vamped and released stateside, this time from our friends in Germany.  It uses a fictionalized version of Christopher Columbus's journey to "India" (until that whole other continent got in the way) as a frame story alongside which a little woodworm named Pico goes to save his lady love, a fairy named Marilyn.  Hilariously enough, this one also cast a bunch of big names, including Irene Cara.  I suppose she thought this was her film niche!  In this clip, we find Columbus trying to stave off a mutiny by inciting accordion merriment.  (If it works for Weird Al...)  Have a listen to these words and tell me whether you think that the studio blew all their money on the voice cast and as a result got the cheapest lyricist available...

5. Rumpelstilzkin as presented by Timeless Tales from Hallmark
This is what the Hallmark movie people were doing before they were making the Hallmark movies we know so well today...taking the gloriously public domain Grimm fairy tales and animating them with the help of Hanna-Barbera (the fine folks behind the Flintstones, Jetsons, Smurfs and other such television gems.)  And heeey, Sandy from Grease is telling us all about what we'll be watching today!  Enjoy the first few minutes, and also have a good laugh at the clothing on the live-action frame story actors...are you surprised to know that this was made in 1990?

6. Beauty and the Beast (1981 Bosustow Entertainment version)
Ladies and germs, I have stumped the internet.  Aside from that IMDB link and a link to a site that looks less than reliable (some weird little cartoon database), I can't find a blessed thing about this movie anywhere.  No stills, no cover art, no nothing.  And I went through a whole bunch of digging, because you can imagine what I am inundated with when I Google anything close to that title...  I looked through all of IMDB's listings for "Beauty and the Beast" (of which there were roughly eight zillion) and this is my best guess for the right one; I can't confirm at the moment because the videotape is at my mother's house.  And y'all, I was REALLY wanting to share this one with you, because it is singularly freaky.  On the upside, if I've got the right title, IMDB tells me that it's only 12 minutes long, a length of time easily recorded on small electronic devices.  This may call for a trip to Mom's tomorrow for a Copyright Infringement Kooky Film Recovery Mission!


7. Daffy Duck's Quackbusters
This is probably the most well-known of my collection here, largely because it used an already-famous group of characters.  It even got re-released on DVD.  As a child, I noted with some confusion the fact that the backgrounds, animation style, and character voices changed so frequently in this film; it's because much of the film is pulled from different Looney Tunes cartoons, with the only newly animated sequences being those that feature Daffy as a paranormalist.  Fun fact: Mel Blanc served as the voice of most of the Looney Tunes characters for decades.  This film was his last one in the Tunes canon - he died a year later.  Between Blanc voicing the characters for the new animation that served as the frame story and Blanc having voiced the 1950s and 1960s cartoons they pulled for filler, he comes close to being the exclusive voice actor for the entire movie.  Very interesting to watch the parts where the newer animation segues into the old cartoons and hear his 80-year-old voice change into his 50-something voice, most noticeably on Porky.  But I can't show you any of that, because the Powers That Be have kept a close eye on the YouTubes for stray copyrighted material.  As far as Quackbusters goes, I can only offer you this:

8. A Variety Of Films That Were Basically Books-On-Tape
Because these examples come from popular franchises, you may question why I include them in a post on obscure movies.  But one look at the "animation" style ("Let's just point the camera at the book, pan around and then mess with a few of the cels to make some stuff wiggle or disappear!") and you'll see why I don't really consider these proper movies.  The first example in particular makes my mother all misty-eyed because I watched it and talked with her about it as a toddler.

This has been a fun ride...stay tuned to see if I'm ever able to dig up the missing one!

Four. Nights. Now.

Insomnia, insomnia...
Oh what with me is wrong-nia?
For four nights now I nearly weep
and beg of thee to let me sleep!
I thought Wednesday was thy inception,
with migraine naps that day's direction,
but I barely doze four days and nights,
sleep meds and all - now that ain't right.
So now I sit and type away
and wait for night to turn to day.
You know it's bad when neither couch
nor space heater can knock me out.
I guess my mind has up and seized
some vague ignored anxieties,
since day by day I'm inching near
to bigger things in my career.
I try to write about my nerves,
but find they won't submit to words.
This last resort is truly worst -
who writes a blog post all in verse?!?
Reckon I'll stay here a while
and surf for things that make me smile,
then crawl in bed around, say, three
and hope tomorrow's good to me.

The Fight that Illuminated Our Childhoods: Bluth Vs. The Mouseketeers

Yes it IS another movie post!  No I do not have any film history credentials, but I can access Wikipedia and IMDB!  Trivia fun for all!


Normally, I wouldn't make myself the spokesperson for a large group of people, but I've decided that animated films of the 80s and 90s can be considered my specialty because (a) my exhaustive and totally scientific research involving asking several friends and students whether they've seen this or that tends to produce affirmative responses and (b) when I consulted Professor Wikipedia for the major children's film releases from this era, I discovered that I own or have seen the vast majority of them.  Yes.  I am the Gen Y Cartoon Movie Whisperer.  Children growing up in a certain period of time, which I'm going to assume ranges from a bit older than me to several years younger than me, have vivid memories of a set of popular animated features, some of which represented the pinnacle of the art for that period of time and some of which were, frankly, mediocre.  For one studio in particular, the late 80s was an endless stream of stupid fluff films based on characters that originated in other media, i.e. Television Show: The Movie and Popular Toy: The Movie.  But there were two others whose contributions tended to outweigh the other studios - one giant with decades of business behind it, and one maverick studio whose run was brief, but memorable.  And if it weren't for a falling-out between the Big Corporation and the Man With A Dream, some of the best animated features from that era might never have happened.

Don Bluth is a native Texan with a certain flair for the creative.  After high school, he took his artistic talent to That Giant Studio With The Rodent and got an on-again, off-again gig.  He did other projects, including some live theatre, before choosing to commit to the animation game for good.  He took up residence at the House of Mouse in 1971 and contributed to such works as Robin Hood and The Rescuers, but found that this work didn't completely satisfy his artistic leanings.  So he started moonlighting with two other animators in El Raton's employ, working on this and that little project of their own.

The record gets a little fuzzy here...one source skips this next part entirely, but all the others agree that it occurred.  Apparently, Bluth was becoming disenchanted with the Enchanters-In-Chief and thought that the quality of their work was not up to par with their past efforts.  There were even rumors that the unit was going to be discontinued altogether.  And a cursory glance at the animation division's output over the early 80s - chiefly the fact that there practically was none - seems to confirm that at very least, they had lost steam.  So Bluth and his buddies cut ties and started doing their own movies, starting in 1982 with an adaptation of the novel Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of N.I.M.H. called The Secret of NIMH.  It was produced on a tiny budget, but was also modestly successful and critically acclaimed.  They then set their sights on video games for a few years, which I imagine set the Happiest Company on Earth at ease.  After all, why should a huge production company with so many successes worry about one little rogue studio?  But then, Bluth got himself a little collaboration which probably made them nervous, and with good reason...

Bluth had teamed up with Steven Spielberg.

Their first joint venture was a little piece called An American Tail (1986).  And its box office numbers edged into Mr. Mouse's territory.  And their second work, The Land Before Time (1988) did even better.  Suddenly, the company that practically invented the feature-length animated piece had some competition.  Although none of my sources say this overtly, I think it's a pretty telling that up until then, House of Mouse's 80s offerings had been lesser fare, such as The Fox and The Hound (1981) and The Great Mouse Detective (1986).  By the time 1988 rolled around, you could tell they were starting to up their game with the release of Oliver and Company.  Perhaps unfortunately, Bluth broke his collaboration with Spielberg and in 1989, it became pretty clear who was going to win this little Battle of the Cartoons.  In this year, Bluth released All Dogs Go To Heaven.  Not a bad film, certainly had a unique story and artistic merit of its own, but The Rodent's release from that year...

...was The Little Mermaid.  Game over.
Small aside regarding House of Mouse's 80s output - Check out The Brave Little Toaster (1987) and note the clever and unusual use of anthropomorphic objects, particularly where they situate faces on different appliances.  Turns out that several of the folks who worked on this one later co-founded Pixar.  So we likely have this little gem to thank for some of the later Mouse-Pixar anthropomorphic gems like Toy Story and Cars!

For the next 8 years, Bluth's film offerings were unsuccessful, although I personally liked some of them.  Rock-a-Doodle (1991), Thumbelina (1994), A Troll in Central Park (1994) and The Pebble and The Penguin (1995) suffered from a 1990 downsizing of the studio and from lack of funding and marketing in general.  Especially in the case of Penguin, it's obvious they had to cut corners.  El Raton's Company, on the other hand, spent much of this decade producing major blockbusters such as Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, The Hunchback of Notre Dame...  In 1997, Bluth had one more hit with Anastasia, but since then has pretty much been doing small animation work and video games.

Even though his run was short, I think Wikipedia is probably not lying to me when it says that we can all thank Don Bluth for lighting a fire under the Little Black Rat's hiney and inspiring them to make some of the best films in their collection.  If nothing else, he helped produce a catalogue of films that broadened our aesthetic experience at the movies.  There were two big elements of the Bluth films that really set them apart from the other studios: the specific style and look of the animation and the generally darker, more mature content.

First to The Look!  The characters and other moving parts of the foreground are solidly outlined and solidly colored in, as though you were watching a moving coloring book.  The backgrounds, on the other hand, are gorgeous - they are often highly detailed in the active parts of the scene, with rich colors and subtle gradations in the shading, but murky and ethereal around the edges.  One downside to this method occurs when a background element becomes part of the action within a scene, meaning that this one element of the background sticks out like a sore thumb because it's drawn in the same outlines-and-solids style of the characters, yet it's nestled among all of these beautiful and subtly painted background objects.  For example, have a look at the climactic fight from The Pebble and the Penguin (you'll need to jump to about 7:35 to see what I'm talking about):

When it cuts to the top of the staircase, can you tell which stair is going to be broken?  Of COURSE you can.

This look, love it or hate it, is vintage Bluth.  By the time Anastasia was born, he had learned some lessons, most especially the one that says it's generally good for your background paintings and your foreground characters and props to resemble each other, rather than looking as though the characters are borrowing the set from their rich friends.  Fortunately, when you're a child, you don't care.

Quick aside for the saddest trivia of all time.  There's a darling little actress who appeared as Ducky in The Land Before Time and as Anne-Marie in All Dogs.  Go read her Wikipedia article and then have a look at the next paragraph and marvel at the possibility that life imitates art.

And Then There's Content.  Don Bluth had a certain philosophy about animated films: kids can handle just about any sort of turmoil for the protagonist, as long as there's a happy ending.  As a result, the Bluth films tend to be emotionally dark and gritty when compared to FairyTales-R-Us.  And in looking back, it's astounding how much of the darkness either didn't really bug me or bypassed me entirely.  For example, as a little child watching An American Tail, did you catch the parallels between the Mousekewitz family being beseiged and Russian Anti-Semitic pogroms of the same time period?  Because I sure didn't.  Did it bother you to watch Anne-Marie get exploited and Charlie have a nightmare about Hell in between dying twice in All Dogs Go To Heaven?  Because I don't remember it bothering me.  Did seeing Littlefoot's parents die in The Land Before Time traumatize you for life?  I don't think it even traumatized me for the length of the good-bye scene.   But within those three movies alone, there's a laundry list of events that a lot of parents would blanch at: Anti-Semitism, imminent physical danger from vicious predators, multiple deaths (one of which issues from murder), illicit gambling, exploitation of a child/orphan, vivid depictions of Heaven, Hell and the afterlife.  Taking Rock-a-Doodle, Thumbelina, A Troll in Central Park and Anastasia into account adds natural disaster, binge drinking, suggestive apparel, kidnapping, imprisonment, massacre and occultic magic.  Most children's films carry some form of the Great Moral Of Life: Sometimes Things Will Suck, But You Can Overcome Them.  It just so happened that in the Bluth catalogue, things tended to suck a little worse.

One of my earliest memories of life altogether comes from when I was perhaps 3 or 4 years old, living in a tiny house with my mom and then-stepfather.  I hadn't quite gotten the hang of reading yet, so Mom was reading aloud the opening credits of The Land Before Time for me.  (I guess I got curious!)  I distinctly remember her saying the name "Don Bluth" and seeing those particular letters on the screen and making the connection that these here funny shapes represent that funny name.  I remember making the connection when watching An American Tail and All Dogs, seeing the commonality of animation style and recognizing the name "Don Bluth" in their credits.  But I don't remember thinking his films were bummers in particular.  They were just movies I loved and watched constantly alongside House of Mouse's more popular counterparts.  As the length of this post demonstrates, I really enjoy going back as an adult and looking at the story behind the story.  It's really cool to me that the movies I loved to watch between birth and age 12 or so had so much to do with spurring each other along.  My memory contains a whole fun repertoire of songs, lines and stories, all because one animator became unhappy with his job.

Kinda cool, huh?

My Essential Soundtrack: Movie Musicals Edition

After long and careful thought (almost 15 whole minutes' worth), I have decided that it's time to share my essential soundtrack as it relates to movie musicals.  As you'll see, I'm pretty partial to animation, especially from That Mouse Company Whose Name I Daren't Speak and Don Bluth, and also to full-fledged film musicals, rather than film adaptations of stage musicals.  Here are the tracks that I love, including YouTube links that will probably be inactive in a week (one movie studio in particular is pretty vigilant about its copyrights) and a brief explanation of why these are the finest songs-from-movies ever.  At least as far as I am concerned.

1. "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tale

Besides just being a sweet song in general, the young actors' performance is so completely innocent and pure, botched notes and all.  Much more genuine than the Auto-Tuned performances you tend to hear today.

2. "I'll Make A Man Out of You" from Mulan.

Energizing, fun, and dangit Donny Osmond can sing!

3. "Hellfire" from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the soundtrack, this appears as the second half of "Heaven's Light/Hellfire."  This piece has all the trappings of top-notch film music: thick and brooding orchestral accompaniment, notes of judgment and condemnation with the choir's Latin lyrics (most especially the repetition of "mea culpa" in the middle), and restatements of the film's central motive in the middle and at the end.  Do-mi-re, ti-re-do, do-mi-re-sol-mi-laaaaaaaa!

4. "Don't Make Me Laugh" from The Pebble and the Penguin

This poor little movie.  It had great ideas, great music, great cast (the voice you're hearing here is Tim Curry!) but no money.  And you can tell in the animation - they had to borrow from themselves, so that you see the same piece of animation happen in more than one place.  Maybe the spent the entire budget on Manilow!

5. "Stand Out" from A Goofy Movie

Don't know about you, but I SO wanted to try this stunt as a kid!

6. "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast

I maintain that this is the best movie this company ever made.  They had hit the perfect intersection of traditional and computer-generated animation, so that it looks beautiful without looking too digital.  And you can't lose with Alan Menken and Howard Ashman.  (Menken was also the composer for Hunchback and several other movies in House of Mouse's catalogue)

7. "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind" from The Great Mouse Detective

This one comes to you from Henry Mancini, composer of a certain little ditty called "The Pink Panther."  No big deal.  And Vincent Price as your villain!  He could sing about dirty socks and I would be scared.

8. "It's Like a B Movie" from The Brave Little Toaster

This, aside from being a pretty fun song in its own right, is a great study in the convergence of pop and film music.  I don't typically like for pieces to switch media, but this is one exception; I would LOVE to stage this song live for a Halloween show or something!

9. "Ev'rybody Wants to Be a Cat" from The Aristocats

Another example of the folding of vernacular styles into film.  (Musician friends - it is REALLY bugging me that most of these songs have had their keys manipulated for posting on YouTube.  I realize it's probably a way to evade detection from Teh Copyrightz Poleez, but still.  Annoying!)

10. "Chim Chim Che-ree" from Mary Poppins

Dick van Dyke - insuring that generations of American children will never have a proper model for a Cockney accent!

11. "Baby Mine" from Dumbo

Full Disclosure: my mom used to sing this to me when I was an infant.  It was my lullaby.  For kicks, whenever she had some friends around, she'd say "Y'all watch this!" and start singing it to me.  Thinking it was bedtime, I'd start to cry.  25 years later, still has that effect on me, although for much different reasons.

12.  "Love" from Robin Hood

 That bassist is awfully busy for a ballad.  I think one of the reasons I like this song so much is because it's one of the few I can actually sing in its original key.  No one loves altos!

13. "Once Upon a December" from Anastasia

The piece that launched a thousand chorus concerts.  The score to this film was written to mimic the great Russian composers and you can hear the homage in the lilt and longing of this particular song.  It's almost sad that the source mythology for this film no longer applies.

14.  "Mother Nature's Song" from Happily Ever After

Three words: Phyllis.  Diller.  Singing.

15. "Streets of Gold" from Oliver and Company

When I was a kid, this song was one of my favorite parts of the movie and I wanted so badly to find it on tape or CD, but by the time I had been exposed to this movie, the soundtrack had long been out of print.  Thankfully, the internets came to the rescue and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that this song was longer than the one-verse-one-chorus version that appears in the film.

16. "Snowmiser/Heatmiser" from The Year Without A Santa Claus

God bless Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass for their excellent Christmas movies!

17.  ...wait for it...



wait for it...



wait for it...



keep waiting for it...



ok here it comes...



"When You Wish Upon A Star" from Pinocchio

The House of Mouse made this their theme song for several reasons.  Pinocchio is the second-oldest film in their feature-length animation canon (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was first) and is recognized by audiences and insiders alike as one of the most significant films of all time.  It won Oscars and it has charted on more than one of the American Film Institute's best-of lists.  It was released in 1940 - I imagine that this song felt particularly meaningful to an America that had just seen one nasty war go down and was getting pretty distressed at the realization that a second was getting under way overseas.  This song captivated a collective psyche that wanted hope and has resonated down through the decades, echoing in the heart whenever you look at a clear night sky...

Like a bolt out of the blue, 
Fate steps in and sees you through.  
When you wish upon a star, 
your dreams come true.
 


 
 

Ashley's Cookbook: Cheesy Garlic Biscuits

I made some cheesy garlic biscuits today.

Without the use of a recipe.

I've played around sans recipes before, but it's been with easy stuff that doesn't depend on ingredient ratios being a certain way, like pasta-casserole type junk, or on single dishes that don't require a lot of thought, like sauteed chicken or scrambled eggs.  So my achievement today is a pretty special one.  The ability to make biscuits is like some kind of  Adulthood Merit Badge in our southern subculture.  Recipes for them can be unreliable because different variables, like temperature, humidity, and perhaps planet alignment, can cause the necessary ratios to change.  It's one of those skills you can only really acquire through repeated trial and error rather than through study and then execution.  Which, as you know, makes it pretty irksome to me.  Therefore, when a person acquires this skill, it's a mark of self-discipline and hard work because those are really the only ways to learn it.

Full disclosure: I sidestepped the trial-and-error thing a little...a few months ago, I felt like making pizza because I was pretty sure I had everything I needed.  So, because it was all I had in the house at the time, I looked up a recipe for pizza dough that used self-rising flour.  I followed the directions and baked it up and such.  It wasn't a bad pizza, certainly better than the frozen stuff, but I noticed that the crust acted more like biscuit than crust.  I had basically made a giant pizza biscuit.  So my biscuit knowledge didn't come from intentionally making biscuits, but rather from stumbling upon biscuits during the creation of something else altogether.  All's well that ends well, I suppose.

For The Curious: A Description of How I Did It
Because I used no recipe, I have no clue about measurements here, so good luck trying to imitate me!

1. Preheat your oven to about 350 or so and gather from around the kitchen some butter, self-rising flour, milk, cheddar cheese, garlic salt,a big bowl, a glass baking dish, a fork, an ice-cream scoop, and the components of your favorite little food processor.
2. Slice off a chunk of cheese and cut it into pieces small enough to fit into your food processor (we have a very small red one that is just perfect for things like this.)  If you wanna make lots of biscuits, use lots of cheese.  Food-process the cheese into little cheese crumbles, so they look like little yellow swole-up grits.  If you've got shredded cheese, this step is unnecessary, obvy.
3. Scoop some flour into your bowl, until the flour pile looks about half the size of the eventual dough pile you see in your imagination.
4. Using your ice-cream scoop (mine's the narrow bladey kind, not the built-in-scraper kind), plop some butter on your flour pile so that it looks like you've got one part butter to seven parts flour.  Err on the side of underestimation because you can always add more.  And you probably will.
5. Take your fork and start smushing the butter and flour around.  You want to eventually end up with little butter-flour balls about pea size or smaller.  Not all the flour has to be taken up with the butter - it's cool if there's some loose flour chilling on the sides of the bowl.  If only about half your flour is taken up with the butter, add a little more butter and see if you can't get a little more in there and keep smushing.
6. Here's the part that's REALLY hard to explain - the addition of the milk.  Add a little less milk than you think it will take to just barely moisten everything and stir it up with your fork.  If you've still got a good bit of dry flour hanging out, add just a smidge more milk.  If you see a puddle or if the dough looks really wet, there's too much milk.  You can add a little flour to get it back to that just-barely-wet stage, but only a little - if you add too much, your butter ratio will get thrown off.  And at this point, butter is pretty much impossible to add.
7. Once the dough is just moistened and sticking together pretty good, add your cheese and a few shakes of garlic salt (Or several.  I'm not prejudiced.)  Stir it all up until you've got a pretty even distribution of cheese.
8. Use some of your butter to grease your glass baking dish.  I like to use a paper towel and write silly things on the dish and then pretend I'm erasing them.
9. Set aside a scoop of your flour for flouring your hands while you form the biscuits (you might want to do this on a towel or cutting board, 'cause it's messy)  Flour up your hands so the dough won't stick to them, grab some handfuls of dough and pat them into little saucers.  Place them about an inch or so away from each other on the baking dish - they'll grow up more than they'll grow out.
10. Put them in the oven and bake.  I have no clue how long I baked them - I just kept checking them.  The nice thing about the glass bakeware is that when you check the biscuits, you can crouch down, lift the dish and see whether the bottoms are toasted yet.  Because for me, an undertoasted or overdone biscuit bottom is a deal-breaker.

These were pretty good - not as salty and greasy as those offered at Brightly Colored Crustacean restaurants, which for me is a plus.  They were pretty big and puffy, and had some crispness about the outside and bottom and fluffy insides.  Which is how I like biscuits.  The kind of unique part to my method as opposed to other methods I've watched is the fork-smushing of the butter and flour, which I stole from the pizza crust recipe.  My husband uses electric beaters when he makes them, which probably has to do with why his biscuits tend to look kinda swirly like meringues.  Lots of people like to mix and mush with their hands - I am weirded out by this.

Emboldened by my success, I think I might try Jill Conner Browne's Chocolate Stuff recipe!

Ashley's Fables: The Tale of the Rollerskater and Inertia

I have been itching to rollerskate here lately.  As a young teen, I rollerskated often at Skate Country and in various driveways and parking lots.  I also have been itching to spend some time outdoors at one of the lovely parks in our fair city.  Because of my past driveway-skating experience, I thought to myself, "Oh Sequel!  There are a great many parks with sidewalks which are paved similarly to the skating driveways of Ye Olde 1998!  Perhaps thee might take the rollerblades out midday when few are about and have fun skating tymes!"  So I put on an old T-shirt and some jeans I didn't mind scuffing up - these would prove to be the only decisions made all afternoon that would not qualify as "Profoundly Stupid."

So I consulted Professor Google and found a local park which is near my home and has a nice multi-purpose "trail," which in this context is code for "sidewalk we wove through the woods."  Upon driving and parking, I was pleased to see picturesque flower beds and a nice smooth sidewalk with some small, innocuous inclines and declines.  So I put on my blades and tottered out in the sunshine, a little Bambi-esque at first because it's been a long time since I've skated.  But after a couple of minutes, I got my sea legs.  Then I reached a small hill, on which the sidewalk curved around to make the slope a lot less sharp than it is if you take the steps straight down.  There was also a handrail available.  "Great!" thought I.

Scientificism the First: Inertia does not care how sharp or not-sharp the slope is, most especially if you are on wheels.

I started to roll down the slope, feeling a little nervous.  Then I got a lot nervous, because my speed got a lot faster.  I tried lowering my skate brake- not so effective.  Realizing that the longer I waited to take action, the worse the inevitable stop would be, I reached for the handrail.

Scientificism the Second: Inertia thinks the best way to deal with being dissed by a hand grasping a hand rail is this:

So, not such a smooth start.  But the sharpest part of the decline was only a short distance, so being the optimist I am, I kept both hands on the handrail and lowered myself down until the sidewalk was just about even and decided to give it another go.

Scientificism the Third: Inertia does not think "just about even" is even enough.

My skates began rolling much faster than I wished, so I resorted to my old trick from Skate Country: when in doubt, skate off of the smooth surface.

Scientificism the Fourth: Inertia deals with moving from rink floor to carpet much more calmly than moving from sidewalk to grass.

Second spill of the day and still within sight of my car.  Still, I thought perhaps some of my troubles could be explained by being out of practice and also by being less-than-aerodynamic.  So for my last attempt, I decided to bend my knees so that I could use my weight to steer and maybe survive the elevation changes that way.

Scientificism the Fifth: Inertia appears to be cool with that.

I crouched on my skates and took a couple of curves uneventfully, if more quickly than I would have liked.  I began to get that weird mixture of terror and euphoria you get on a roller coaster: you are not in control of this experience, but MAN is it fun!

Until, of course, one of those curves is 90 degrees.

Scientificism the Sixth: Inertia laughs at your feeble grasp of physics.

CRASH.

I looked at the rest of the trail and realized that, although they were slight to the eye, there were elevation changes all along this trail, and I hadn't even approached an incline yet.  At first, I was despondent.  I wanted to try something new and had totally made an idiot of myself.  I felt like a failure and a loser and wished to melt into the tree roots that had broken my fall.

But then I realized, "Oh Sequel!  Thou art an amateur comedienne!  Document this, thine spectacular failure, and let the world gaze upon your complete humiliation in blog post form, where you can at least claim First Dibs on making fun of yourself!"

So let's laugh at the fallout from my falls!  Yay!

Right hip caught the impact from the last fall.  This is why the beat-up-able jeans were a good idea as opposed to shorts: no scrapes on the skin beneath.  Not even a bruise.

Left knee caught the impact from the second fall.  As with the right hip, the jeans protected me from scraping and bruising.

Caught myself with my left hand a couple of times.  Dirty, but not bad at all.

Little scraping on the right wrist

The worst of the injuries: a teeny elbow scrape.  Elbows, by the way, are very hard to photograph in a way that makes it obviously an elbow...this is why my eyes are all up in this picture.

A shot from In The Field...this was about a minute after the final fall.

Shirt all grass-stained.  Fun!

All things considered, it was actually not too bad.  I wasn't hurt and I gave it a good few tries before giving up.  Andrew's come back from dredging with WAY worse injuries.  So now it'll be parking lots and superflat sidewalks (hard to come by here in the foothills of the Blue Ridge).  Like, really flat.  Like, maybe I'll take a level with me next time...