I'm crossposting this on both of my blogs because it's that important to me.
Let me tell you a story! When I was a younger, dumber teacher, I sent some kids to an honor chorus unprepared. I hadn't read the emails carefully enough and didn't notice that a piece was attached to the email rather than sent with the other sheet music, and I also hadn't followed up with my students to make sure they were listening to their tracks (had I done so, we would have noticed that there was an extra track with no sheet music.) My students were not alone in this boat, but it was still a pretty small minority of kids in the choir. Their conductor, upon discovering that some kids in the choir not only didn't listen to their tracks, but were fully short a piece of music, asked them to name their schools so that he could personally contact their teachers.
BIG OWIES. The threatened contact never happened, but just the threat was enough to make me feel terrible and motivated me to never make that mistake again.
And he was right. He didn't shame the kids because he knew it wasn't their fault. It was mine.
Over the years, I have become less young, less dumb, and have had the good fortune to experience these events from several sides. I've observed close friends organize these events - those are the real heroes. They toil endlessly for no money and no glory. I've been an accompanist, an instrumentalist, and even a conductor a couple of times. Between my past mistakes and my accumulating experience, I've got some clout behind me when I tell you: DON'T BE A JERK.
To the kids, that is.
When you walk into those scenarios, sometimes there's a wide gulf between your expectations and the singers' actions. It's possible, perhaps even likely, that you'll encounter something you don't like. If that happens, here's what you should do:
1. Sit with and examine your reaction. Is what you dislike objectively wrong, or is it just something you're unaccustomed to or a cultural difference?
For example: music teachers in this region are, by and large, a pretty punctual bunch. If we're going to be late, it's usually only by 10 minutes unless something has gone significantly wrong. But there are whole cultures in which punctuality is not a thing. We might like it and it might make things easier from our perspective, but it's not an objective good. It's ultimately a habit that we've framed as a virtue to bolster our own egos. This is coming from someone who is obsessively early to everything, lest you think I'm making excuses for being late to things.
Point is, if you can be honest with yourself and find that what you dislike is not objectively bad, then seek out ways to compromise. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, it's ok to teach something different as long as you present it without judgment. You can say, "I would prefer it this way" without also saying "You are wrong and bad."
2. If it is something that could be considered objectively wrong, such as my anecdote about unprepared/unsupplied singers, remember what the real source of the problem is. Berating the kids will only create problems, not solve them. It's ok to feel disappointed, and it's definitely ok to have high standards and to push the kids to develop better habits. But again, these are things you can do from a nonjudgmental place.
You can say, "Hey, guys, let's make sure we're listening closely when someone has a question because the answer could make all of us better at this." You don't need to say, "Shut up, you guys are so rude."
You can say, "This is a challenging piece, and this tempo makes it even more challenging. But I know you can apply yourself and meet that challenge!" You don't need to say, "Now we'll do it at the real tempo - try to keep up."
You can say, "Let's alter this piece a little so we can feel more secure and focus on other elements of our performance." You don't need to say, "Why didn't you work on this? Do you not care?"
You can say, "Our voices can do so many different things, it's amazing! I'd like you to try to do it this way for this one piece, so that we can show off our versatility." You don't need to say, "Do it like this recording. Why aren't you doing it like this recording? It would be good if you would just try."
You can say, "Ok, we're all getting a little frustrated. How about we take a break from this piece and we'll regroup and find a solution later?" You don't need to say, "We are DONE rehearsing this piece *slams music down in frustration.*"
Those kinds of problems are only a little bit the kids' fault. They're largely the fault of either *your* misplaced expectations or biases, or circumstances and/or adults in their lives that aren't able or willing to model differently or follow up. Again, people like the teacher I used to be.
If you can't accept that and place the fault where it really belongs...if you can't control yourself because you're "just so passionate" about your job...if you can't find it within yourself to create a positive experience for kids...
Then don't take K-12 conducting gigs. Because you're a jerk.
