There's some joke somewhere that I can't be bothered to look up that says, "Experience is the thing you don't get until just after you need it." Haha, yes, true when it's the first time you're dealing with a thing. I would submit, however, that you continue to need it after you've got it, you just don't feel that need as sharply because, hey, that particular socket wrench is right there in your mental tool box!
When Andrew was getting open heart surgery and was stuck in ICU, I cried for hours the first time he went into afib. The eighth time, I shrugged. I had heard it enough to understand that it wasn't an immediate death sentence - I had the mental tool for that job.
The first time a student defied my instructions, I froze. I genuinely felt like my insides were made of ice. I didn't want to abandon the other 28 in order to go write up this one and I was afraid to call out the child in front of everyone. Why I was so afraid of saying "stop that" to a teen's face, I can't quite tell you. Anyway, now it's no big deal...and, hilariously, because it's no big deal, it rarely ever happens.
The first time I heard that a leader I loved and admired was leaving (my first 8th grade chorus teacher), I despaired and worried that the organization would fall apart and dissolve and we would all be left to falter. That organization, by the way, is now a state-renowned, award-winning choral department with an amazing teacher who we might never have met had that first teacher never needed to leave.
Eight years ago, I wrote a post called "Our Hope Endures" in which I quoted the lyrics to the eponymous Natalie Grant song. I listed a few things that had been happening, much of which I don't even remember, that were causing me stress. What I left out, however, was the event that actually inspired the post - the painful and unexpected departure of a loved and admired leader. Although I had seen such a thing happen (hello, 8th grade chorus Ashley! Go practice piano, please!), this was different because I was this leader's second-in-command and would have to take on some of their responsibilities. It was frightening, overwhelming and exhausting, and I know whatever little inconveniences I suffered were nothing compared to what the departing leader had to deal with. However, in the long term, many wonderful things happened and wonderful people stepped into roles they otherwise would not have. I'm not saying I'm glad it happened; I hesitated even to allude to this event because I don't want to cause anyone who was connected even a moment's unhappiness in being reminded of it. BUT - we can all now point to new friends, new growth, new opportunities that happened in the wake of it. It sucks that people had to suffer, but I think it's ok to acknowledge that out of suffering came blessings that we couldn't have foreseen or even thought to ask for at the time.
Experience is the thing you get just after you need it. It is also the thing that gives you a new socket wrench in your brain to fix things with. A wise man once told me to "recycle your pain", by which he meant to reflect on things that have gone wrong for you and that you have caused to go wrong and use that knowledge to minister to others in those same places. The fruit baskets will be overturned, surgeries will have complications, teenagers will be defiant, people we love will stumble. We know the road map: we hurt, we guard, we rally. And again, lest it be misconstrued that I am happy when things go wrong - believe me, I am the first to be like SOMETHING IS CHANGING RED ALERT LET'S ALL GO DIE - I'm not saying I'm glad that these things happen. I'm also not trying to minimize or overlook the initial emotions that come whenever upheaval happens. But because of experience, I know that I can also expect new things in the future. The forest burns, then the rain falls and new little green plants spring up. I take no pleasure in the fire, but I also no longer fear it because I know the rains are coming.
