Today, I fell down one of those topical rabbit holes that mobile internet has made it so easy to get into. For some strange reason, I got to reading that rash of articles from a couple of years ago about chronically late people. I'm not going to list every single thing I read - you can Google the topic and see it all. There are happy pieces about habitually late people being optimistic and seeing the "big pictures" and not-so-happy pieces giving them very unkind labels. There was a recurring theme among both types, however: allegedly, late people hate arriving early. According to the pro-lateness articles, it's because showing up early and then having nothing to do but wait is inefficient. According to the anti-lateness articles, it's because they're too self-conscious to face the prospect of waiting alone or having to make small talk.
Anyone who knows me personally, or has read my blog or watched my videos, knows I am the complete opposite. I *love* showing up early. This is why:
1. I Am Pessimistic
Everything is going to take longer than Google Maps says it will, or than my friends/family say it will, or than my own lived experience says it will. If I give myself the exact 20 minutes it actually takes to drive to work, there will be a wreck on the way to work, or my tire will explode, or Cthulu will rise out of Lake Lanier and take out the bridge next to the Methodist church.
2. I Struggle With Transitions
I cannot just walk in somewhere and get going. I need to make sure I'm as ready as possible, which includes knowing the space and seeing faces as they arrive so I know exactly whom is around and what is happening. I need time to mentally rehearse what is about to happen so I can plan for snappy comebacks or well-timed Napoleon Dynamite quotes.
3. I Am Introverted To A Fault
Getting to work or class early means I can start in on work. I can get more done uninterrupted and the appearance of being hunched over a laptop or a task sends a socially-acceptable LEAVE ME ALONE message. My ideal world is one in which I'm completely by myself about 75% of the time because...
4. I Am Selfish, Egotistical and Fragile (aka Getting Really Real)
Don't get me wrong - I have friends and family members that I very much enjoy talking to and spending time with. But being around people, especially people who are close to me, means the possibility of doing something wrong and having it pointed out to me. And of course, the world falls apart if I make a mistake. Even when I'm alone, I deride myself endlessly if I do something like trip on level ground ("Thank GOD no one was around to see that, you miserable excuse for a human!") So I prefer to be alone because then I don't have to worry about other voices joining that one. As Elliot Reid once said in Scrubs, "I'm gonna tell them that I am the most perfect doctor ever who never needs anyone's help with anything!" This is a goal both healthy and attainable. Being early to everything supports this persona - "I am so together. Be impressed with me."
So the next time your smug early friend posts one of those "OMG late ppl r so annoying!" articles on Facebook, link them to this post and be like, "Well, at least I have self-esteem!"
